Ever heard the term ‘psychological projection’? It’s a defense mechanism in which the ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities by denying their existence and attributing them to others. In other words, shifting blame.

Shifting blame can become a major problem when dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED), especially if apportioned to your partner. There’s the obvious chaos it can create in a relationship but it can also slow your recovery. That’s because the longer you look for external reasons for your ED the longer it takes to figure what’s actually causing the issue. These are usually internal in nature and have nothing to do with your partner. 

The overwhelming reason men get ED is due to their own physical or psychological state.  Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, anxiety, depression and even some medications are common causes of ED. Unless your partner is deliberately trying to make your blood boil or encouraging you to eat high fat meals every night, you can’t say these ED causing factors are their fault.

So to beat the blame game, what do you do?

No.1 – See your doctor or prescribing pharmacist ASAP. They’ll look at what the real cause of your ED is and work out a treatment plan. It might involve prescribing Viagra at the same time. 

No.2 – Talk. Your partner should be your greatest ally in the journey back to an ED-less lifestyle so start the chit-chat as soon as possible. No point letting a partner continually blame themselves for a problem they didn’t cause.

No.3 – Don’t use ED as a weapon. It’s no one’s fault and as we’ve discussed, certainly not your partner’s. Treat ED as just another health issue needing to be sorted.

No. 4 – Discuss things outside the bedroom and not right after an ‘ED episode’. Wait until you’re both in a good frame of mind.

No. 5 – Do not resign yourself to acceptance!  Put ED in the too hard basket and it could prevent you finding a solution, slowing recovery further.

Keep in mind a lot of couples have gone through a similar experience as you and have come out better for it. So stay tight, avoid the finger pointing and you might just end up not only ED-free but with an even stronger connection to your partner than before.